The First Time Manager Dilemma, How Do You Gain Respect?
How Does A Young Manager Gain Respect?
I am a young, newly promoted sales manager who stepped into what feels like a mine trap. I have been appointed to a brand new store filled with employees who lack professionalism and seem to be all out for themselves. I am the youngest associate to ever be promoted into a management position for our company and I feel like I have to make a name for myself by showing that I can make something of this responsibility that’s been given to me. My employees are all older than me, so trying to establish myself as someone that they can count on seems like a major task. Clearly, many of them have an issue working under someone who is younger than themselves. Not to mention the very first day, when our regional manager came to welcome me to the store, the associates were poorly dressed, not occupying themselves with their job whatsoever, and just sitting at our podiums talking amongst themselves. There is obvious work to be done, and I would really like to smother these bad habits before they become the norm. AngelCakes in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
AC, you’ve got your work cut out for you. I wish I could say the next three to six months were going to be easy, but they’re not.
The best advice I can give to you, and any young manager taking over in their first leadership roll, is this: be firm; be fair; and stick to your guns.
The truth is, that no matter how old you are, you want to be led. You want someone, anyone, to provide a vision and a direction that will help you get through your day. Luckily for you, you have salespeople to direct. It might actually be worse if these were front line, union welders or truckers with little regard for their career paths and the protection of a union.
Establish Some Ground Rules
Start right now and establish ground rules. Don’t worry about the feelings of your charges – you owe it to your company to maximize your resources, including labor – the good ones will accept you and the bad ones will terminate themselves.
Tell them exactly what they can expect from you and what you expect from them. Explain the rewards for complying and the punishment for disobedience. I know it’s harsh to see a word like “disobedience” in a leadership development post, but you can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs.
Be prepared to, indeed, break some eggs. Decide right now who is worthy of keeping and who needs to go. Give everyone the same chance, but prepare for the loss of those that simply do not want to succeed under any circumstances. Remember that this is not a popularity contest and put your ego in check.
Make sure they understand that you would love for this to be a happy and productive workplace, but short of that, it will at least be productive. Make sure they understand that the ball is in their court. They can all earn more money, get promoted or achieve whatever cachet they seek, provided they allow you to help make them successful.
You Are The Support, They Are The Superstars
Tell them early and often that they are the real heroes of your store, and that you are only there to support them. Then, be prepared to live it.
Your only goal, both stated and actual, is to make them successful. If they succeed, you succeed – though no one is going to succeed if they treat the entire day like one long coffee break. (This is where the ground rules come in.)
What they wear, how they act and how much they sell are all part of the expectations you set early on. If they live up to their part of the bargain, then you will live up to your part – you’ll help them get promoted, you’ll help them close a sale or two, and you’ll go to bat for them when it’s time for raises.
Has This Approach Ever Worked?
At 16, I was promoted to the manager of concessions at our local minor league baseball stadium. I had worked the previous summer in the concessions group, and took over as manager in my second year. (This means that I am celebrating my 30th year in management.)
My crew consisted of 30+ teenagers and senior citizens, all of whom were older than me. To make matters worse, my 19-year old sister and my 18-year old best friend also worked for me.
To make a very long story very short, I was not a great first-time leader, though by the end of the season we had reduced labor costs and increased sales to a level not previously seen by the ball club. Had I not decided to be a lifeguard the next summer, I would have earned a nice raise and would probably still be working in baseball.
During the course of the season, I fired both my sister and my best friend. Because both firings were clearly warranted, I only suffered about 3 weeks of angry stares from the two of them. However, the respect I gained from the rest of the team by setting expectations and getting rid of the two people considered to be the greatest troublemakers was immeasurable. (Once someone sees you fire your own sister, they pretty much tow the line.)
Have Fun
The best part about that summer in the minor leagues is that by the end of the season we all had fun.
There is an old saying that “sales cures all ills.” Like many old sayings, this one is true. You will be amazed at how a little success can go a long way toward invigorating your team to want more. It’s like blood to a shark; they will begin a feeding frenzy for success that you will be unable to stop.
So, AC, my advice to you is this (I like bullet points):
- Deliver the ground rules
- Set the expectations (for you and them)
- Live the vision (which includes awarding punishment, when warranted)
- Have fun
The last bullet point will happen all by itself if you succeed on the first three.
Good selling!
(Note from TheManager: To read a related series about the first steps a new manager should take, please follow this link.)
Linda
July 6, 2014 @ 12:33 PM
I work in a small company of about 188 employees. I support the CEO as his assistant. I also supervise an admin team of 6 young things. When I came on board I noticed right away that they all had attitudes and think they know more than I do. This for most is their first real job. My CEO doesn’t want to deal with it. I am at the end of my rope and am thinking of quitting without another job lined up as it is that bad. I got approval from my CEO to take the team out for a tea building lunch complete with gift cards if they answered questions about each other right. Only one question was about me and no one spoke up even though they knew the answer. They treated me as if I wasn’t there and didn’t thank me either. It is worth it to say that they all ordered the most expensive items on the menu and dessert too. I see no hope without management support. I have been nice to them but at the same time they have work deadlines. I am going to update my linked in page and hope I can find another job soon. Is this situation hopeless as it seems to be to me?
TheManager
July 6, 2014 @ 12:35 PM
Without directly observing your team dynamics, it’s impossible to provide a solid response beyond the following advice:
1. Personally, I would never quit a job that was safe & legal without something else already lined up – regardless of the situation.
2. While you say there is no support from above, this may simply mean the CEO wants you to handle it. If this is the case, start writing people up and firing them when they fail to complete tasks on time and in a satisfactory manner (of course, be fair). If the CEO doesn’t even want you doing this, then start looking for something else.
3. Finally, for those who don’t get fired, start killing them with kindness. I recommend you read this post and where I speak about the “New Boss” just insert your coworkers: http://askthemanager.com/2009/05/meet-the-new-boss-same-as-the-old-boss-dealing-with-a-new-boss
The best book I can recommend for your situation is: http://www.amazon.com/Five-Dysfunctions-Team-Leadership-Fable/dp/0787960756/.
Please keep us posted on your progress!
Mary
September 14, 2012 @ 3:56 PM
I realize this is like asking the therapist to work me through a solution based on issues relayed in a couple of paragraphs, but I need some direction. My partner in business is also my partner in life and we own and manage a restaurant. It was my dream to have my own business, and John’s dream to have his own restaurant. On paper and to The State — I own it. I never bring that up and if anything, go out of my way to make it ‘ours’ instead of ‘mine’. I couldn’t do it without him, and he couldn’t do it without me –we know and agree on that point. I also continue to work a full-time day job at a Fortune 500 company and have since the young age of 16. John has 40 years of experience in the restaurant business, and since I have none — I frequently seek his consult on any issues we encounter in running the business. I have no prior people management experience, and have quickly discovered the restaurant business is not the Corporate America I grew up in. Our business continues to grow as we complete our third year in December. The biggest challenge I face is the employees — my partner tells me that I do not value them and what they do. I told him that I think he just has lower expectations — he tell me he has ‘realistic’ expectations. I have done some soul searching and believe it is not that I do not value the employees — just one employee — his son, Chad (26 years old). Although Chad can be great with the guests and quite fun to work with, he has a dark side which is a very volatile temper and can be quite immature. He’s had altercations with guests and co-workers alike (has told guests to get the “f” out of the restaurant because one of them asked another server if he was gay, has called a couple of the servers inappropriate names, embarrasses me in front of the guests — all of this taking place in the dining area). This last week my partner and I had to agree with Chad’s ‘ex-girlfriend’ that it might be best if she did take a job elsewhere (Chad went out of his way to make her miserable at work). John admitted that Chad “doesn’t listen to him” and he can’t fire him. The ironic thing is that John is the example of customer service — I have worked in customer service most of my career, and he excels! I know that John does not agree with Chad’s behavior and it pains him because his son can be such a good server (and people come in because of him — I have had several of them tell me so). However, there is a price we all have to pay. John has given me examples in his past management positions where he has encountered people with Chad’s behavior, but they weren’t his son. To John’s defense, he does approach Chad with feedback about behavior changes, and sometimes Chad appears to be receptive, but most times he blows up. It hurts me to see John so distraught (Chad can really hurt his feelings) and on the other hand I have everything into this restaurant and can’t him distracted by the antics of his son. I have had servers come up to me crying saying they cannot work with Chad anymore and my standard response is “I don’t know what to tell you, besides he isn’t going anywhere — so I suggest you try and find a way.” John and I need to focus on the business, and not on Chad. It is not that I want John to lose out on one of his dreams (to work with his son), but I know that if Chad leaves — John doesn’t want to be part of the business without his son. Every time they get into an argument, John wants to give up. John doesn’t seem to be concerned about what I have sacrified — or even what he has sacrified — all he wants is his son to work there. The last time they had an altercation (about three weeks ago) — John did take longer to “forgive” his son than in the past, and didn’t give me his standard answer that he just wants to close down because he doesn’t have that “fire” anymore. John always gives in and looks up Chad to offer him his job back — when Chad actually said he “quit.” I am losing respect for my partner because he cannot get a handle on his son. As I said, John sets the standard for customer service excellence — I don’t understand why it is not bothering him more as to how his son acts. I know some therapy is in order here (but, I have suggested several times without success). John just tells me that you can “lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink”. It will just be a matter of time before the next blowup, and I fear for when I have to make some difficult decisions that will cost more than the loss of a restaurant. I just want Chad to stop this behavior. I feel I can deal with anything else. Despite what John thinks, I don’t dislike Chad, just his behavior. I know it sounds like an impossible situation, but I am grasping for any suggestions on how to work through this and follow my own advice of “he’s not going anywhere ……… so find a way to work with him.” Thank you for listening, and I would appreciate any direction. I really enjoyed reading some of the other responses.
TheManager
September 16, 2012 @ 1:16 PM
Hi Mary,
It’s not completely fair for me to even offer a suggestion here, given that all stories have multiple sides; but I certainly have very strong feelings about your problems that hinge on two business rules by which I’ve always lived.
The first rule is simply that you must do those things that take you closer to your goals. As a business owner, your goals are likely centered on what the business can bring to you and your family (monetarily, and with respect to personal satisfaction and quality of life). Because Chad is, in effect, your relative too; simply firing him may or may not get you closer to your goals – this is for you to decide.
Monetarily, it is clear (in my opinion) that Chad is probably hurting you. There is no doubt in my mind that a restaurant loses business each time a manager blows up in front of the guests; regardless of how many guests say they return because of him. (There’s a reason that Zagat rates more than just the quality of the food.) Moreover, employee morale, which he appears to be negatively impacting, can have a direct correlation on both turnover and customer service. High turnover and bad customer service are both costly to a business owner.
(Whether having Chad in the business is bringing you and John closer to your goals around personal satisfaction and quality of life is for both of you to decide together.)
My second rule that applies here is that nepotism almost NEVER works well for anyone – even the Chads of the world. If Chad was forced to go make it on his own, he would straighten out his act very quickly or he would find himself chronically unemployed. The only reason he continues to be such a jerk (in my opinion), is because it is allowed. Since Chad knows what good behavior looks like (because he can be good in front of certain guests and in certain situations); I’m guessing that he will do just fine in the real world.
All of that said; I do not envy you. Without a 100% goal alignment between you and John, you probably cannot come to a decision that will benefit you both.
TheManager
August 8, 2009 @ 12:30 PM
MM – Wow, what a situation you are facing… we did our best to effort a response to your questions and comments and posted them here: http://askthemanager.com/2009/08/young-managers-working-in-a-small-business-what-can-they-do-to-get-respect-from-below-and-above/
Best of luck and please let us know how everything turns out.
TheManager
MM
July 28, 2009 @ 8:50 PM
Hi I have stumbled across this site as I was searching for some help. Like the people above I am not only the manager but the youngest technician at my company. Unlike the people above I work in a small family owned salon where everyone is ontop of eachother all the time. Here are my concerns that I am hoping you will be able to help me with:
1} AS I mentioned I am the manager of the salon but unfortunatley I dont get any respect from some of the older employees as well as the employees that are around my age (25). It seems that no matter what I ask them to do or how I say it, as soon as my back is turned I am a “bitch”etc. MY requests usually go ignored until the very few times I have yelled at my employees. Which trust me is not many. I have worked for people that were demeaning and constantly yelling and my goal when getting this position was to be assertive but fair and never intimidating. It is getting to the point where if things dont change I might snap.
I know I am young but I put in more paid and unpaid hours into the salon than any other employee. I work really hard to make us the thriving spa we are becoming and it frustrates me when people cannot reciprocate. I spend the majority of my time (when i am not with my own clients} ordering the supplies that the techs need, coming up with marketing ideas to make their books more solid, building our website, etc. But all i get back is arguments over why they have to do this special for the price i gave them when they wanna charge more, or complaints when things they need arent ordered ( they usually dont tell me what they need i have to figure it out myself)
I am becoming resentful because i feel like I am constantly doing for them with no respect being given back to me. With the employees that are my age i am just blatinly ignored or told I am being a bitch. But when everyone wants something i.e. to leave early or come in late the next day ,all the sudden they are calling me “Miss Manager..”
How do I get the respect I not only desire but deserve?
2} My boss is way to nice to everyone. It really is out of control. I love her and consider her a great friend but at the same time my role as manager has been blurred by her as well. Sometimes I feel like I am not the manager just her personal assistant. She doesnt want me to reprimand employees when it needs to happen.
How do I establish with her what my role as manager is?
I have asked her this questiong before with no real answer. I dont think its fair for me to be telling the staff what to do but unable to say anything when things are not getting done. It would be one thing if she delt with the issues but she is way to nice for that. I get upset because the employees take advantage of her and I dont like watching that happen without being able to do anything about it.
Please help!!!
TheManager
May 31, 2009 @ 8:45 PM
AC,
We’re glad to hear things are working out for you, though we’re worried about your current situation. To see our advice, please follow this link: http://askthemanager.com/2009/05/meet-the-new-boss-same-as-the-old-boss-dealing-with-a-new-boss/.
AngelCakes
May 31, 2009 @ 8:23 PM
I just wanted to send you the next challenge in the never-ending life that is retail management. But not without a little update first. Let me first add that the childishness of my store is no more. The resources that you gave me have left a huge impression in my memory and I practice what you preach every day. My staff has converted themselves into a well-oiled machine. They seek out the greater good and the bigger picture and that’s when everyone gets along the worlds a better place. The store itself has been running at full speed with a 25% increase in sales year-to-date (which is fantastic considering how “financially unstable” the world claims to be). All has been calm on the home front, and I have felt nothing but enthusiastic about the future and our successes and I strive to push the bar every day. Until now I have not come to this mountain and I think that it is going to be my biggest challenge to date: Welcome the New Regional!
Most recently there has been a major rift in the tide at my supervisors’ level and they transferred my previous regional supervisor to the east coast, hired outside of the company a man with 35 years experience in the jewelry business, and made him the new regional supervisor. Needless to say the practices that my new regional demonstrates compared to my old one are dramatic and have everyone running for the hills and looking for new jobs. Demanding? Yes. Extremely high expectations? Yes. Respect and value for his new employees? No.
His reputation goes without saying that his employees are just numbers: that they are a dime a dozen and are expendable. He is overseeing every little thing that we as managers are doing, including hiring our own staff. I can understand his obsessive nature over sales and trying to make a good impression to his superiors, but he has taken almost any freedom that we have and are starting to find resentment in him because of it. Tomorrow he is flying in to oversee my hiring of a manager from another company to work for our store that I was extremely excited about until he said that I wasn’t allowed to hire him until “he met him first.” I feel like he is doing my job for me instead of letting me do the job that I was entrusted with. I also feel that he is hovering over my shoulder too much and that it is putting unnecessary pressure on me and my staff. Instead of over-boasting like every other manager is doing to catch his attention, how can I address the situation with my new boss and still make a good impression and respect his position?
TheManager
February 8, 2009 @ 7:23 PM
Anant, every now and then a comment or question is so in depth or so unique that it requires an entire post to respond properly. Your’s was just such a comment. Thank you for your comment and please read our response here: http://askthemanager.com/2009/02/young-owner-old-manager-who-wins-in-the-end/.
anant
February 8, 2009 @ 4:26 AM
hi, i am facing a similar problem as mentioned above with one of my older employees, the only difference is that i am the owner of my company.
Last year i joined my father`s company after finishing my engineering and have started to handle the correspondence and marketing of the company.
Initially i thought because i was a new, they treated me as like a new kid on the block and would probably fade out once i am long enough with the organization.
Most of them did change, apart from our general manager. He still thinks he is an authority over me. I didn’t mind his reactions till the time recently when my father had gone out for an industrial trip. He had asked me to get some work done before he comes, which were like level1 jobs and could easily be done on the phone/personally meeting, nothing laborious. Its been almost 3 days since i told him and he has still not been able to complete the task. Apart from this whenever i tell him something he looks at me, giving me that expression ” why is he telling me? who is he to tell me?”
This behavior of his has actually ticked me off.
Kindly give me a solution to handle such kind of employee
TheManager
August 15, 2008 @ 7:47 AM
Very carefully. Without knowing the personalities of AC’s managers, I can’t give specific advice on how she should manage up, but I can say that there are those managers who appreciate advice from their subordinates (these guys are leaders), and there are those who think they already have all the answers (these guys are managers their whole lives).
Assuming the worst, AC and other managers in her situation, should tread cautiously, but remain firm in how they manage their team. They should focus on those things they can control and not worry about a poor manager above them.
If AC can set the goals and expectations for her team, then live her vision, her store will be successful and the regional management will have to take notice. At the end of the day, sales success is the goal. So long as she doesn’t violate the laws of God and man, her successes will be celebrated (even by a semi-productive manager).
Tye Mills
August 14, 2008 @ 11:51 PM
How does a young manager “manage up” with challenging subordinates, like AC’s?