Actually, It Is You…

(One of the 83 quick and practical life & work lessons from Sh*t Sandwich: Quick & Practical Success Lessons for Practically Anyone.)

It’s Not You, It’s Me

Actually, it is you.

Success and the lack of success are driven by two types of actions: Those actions you take and those you do not. Too often, the success literature focuses solely on the actions you take (or should take); trying to ensure that you always “do the right things.”

However, I am hopeful you learned from the last few lessons that avoiding otherwise innocuous, but ultimately career-destroying activities (like tattooing a swastika on your Adam’s Apple), can and do lead to success. More simply: it’s sometimes the things you don’t do that matter most.

In my experience, if you want to influence your own growth, true success comes more quickly when you stop doing some of the really obvious and not so obvious stupid stuff many tend to do. Whether in your personal relationships or at work, dropping some worthless activity is tantamount to reading a whole stack of self-help books.

Here’s my quick list of just a few of the activities that hurt your chances of gaining a promotion or finding the perfect mate:

• Non-Stop Talking – This is a major sign of insecurity that scares away potential bosses and boyfriends. Do what you can to train yourself to shut up once in a while. (Try asking relevant questions and listening, instead.)
• Freaking Out – Even if you do sell plasma, there is nothing to be gained by losing your cool during even the most horrific of circumstances. Unfortunately, many millennials have seen their drama rewarded growing up (primarily because of social media) and they like the attention it gets them. I can guarantee you that no adult respects your drama. No one.
• Getting Angry – The days of the top boss being both a screamer and successful are long gone in almost every industry. Given this, if you expect to one day become the top boss, it’s critical that you learn today how to control your anger in ways that are constructive and drive your company or relationship forward, not backward.
• Smoking – Seriously? You still smoke? Forget for a moment that (yuck) your mouth tastes like an ashtray, your teeth are yellow, your clothes stink and everyone at work knows you just had a cig; when was the last time you saw a CEO puffing away? It’s likely been more than 30 years. Take a hint and quit.
• Getting Drunk – There is nothing to be gained at work or in your relationships by consuming anything to excess. This is especially true of alcohol. If you’re not capable of stopping yourself at two drinks (what many consider to be healthy), then don’t start. Enjoy a nice club soda with lime. (Believe me, it tastes just like a vodka soda.)

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Sh*t Sandwich is available in paperback at Amazon.com and is free on Kindle Unlimited.