(Crawl, Walk, Run is an annoying business term and is just one of the 212 Most Annoying Business Phrases Managers Effuse, Confuse, and Overuse detailed in the hilarious must-have guide for every workplace: The 30,000-Pound Gorilla in the Room. Available right now on Amazon.)

Crawl, Walk, Run

Oh, thank you, you kings and queens of caution. Where would we be if you didn’t constantly warn us about every new procedure, project, or plan? Your words of wisdom – explaining that we should crawl, walk, run – keep us from running immediately, walking before we crawl, or continuing to crawl throughout.

You believe your words keep us focused, and you’re right. They keep us focused on the fact that you’re an annoying nanny; one who believes we are all just a bunch of hyperactive children who might break a leg or pull a muscle or stub a toe.

Crawl, walk, run is annoying on the surface, as it implies we’re all too dumb to figure out how to proceed on our own. Moreover, it’s annoying in its overuse.

Those who lecture others to crawl, walk, run find ways to shoehorn this maddening phrase into every directive – while somehow also finding a way to sound more condescending with each utterance.

If only there was a crawl, walk, run setting on your mouth – we’d set it to newborn.

Replacement phrases: No replacement needed; we’re not children.

See also: Go Slow to Go Fast

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The 30,000-Pound Gorilla in the Room is available on Amazon