Hint: Read This With Interest…
(One of the 83 quick and practical life & work lessons from Sh*t Sandwich: Quick & Practical Success Lessons for Practically Anyone.)
The 2nd Secret to Getting What You Want
The second secret to getting what you want appears a little more tasteful than the last, but for some, could be no less contrived: simply put, listen with interest and ask questions.
People – all people – love to hear themselves talk. Additionally, the need to be fully understood is so great, that you can use this knowledge to your advantage when moving into an organization, through an organization, or selling something to an organization (or even when trying to impress a date). When you listen with interest and ask questions you allow others to hear themselves talk, and you provide them with the comfort of knowing they are being understood.
“But, what if I don’t really care about they’re saying?”
Fake it – but, listen closely enough to ensure your follow-up questions are appropriate. If you don’t fully understand what I mean, let’s see this secret in action in one of the easiest places to employ it: the job interview. Because the job interview at most companies has become such an unimaginative process, both parties are usually just going through the motions.
In every single interview where I’ve listened with interest and asked questions, I was 100% successful in getting what I wanted. I’ve been offered every job where I used this technique as the interviewee; and every top prospect has accepted my company’s first offer when I listened with interest and asked questions of the candidate. This secret is so powerful that it should be the foundation for creating and maintaining every relationship you desire.
How does it work? Let’s say the interviewer asks a standard question like “Why do you want to leave your current position?” Your response should be concise with some detail followed by an open-ended question. Something like “How would you describe the culture here?”
If you’re using this secret correctly in a relationship situation, your date/mate will be thinking “This person is everything I ever wanted.” The reason they’ll think that is simple: all they’re hearing is their own voice and their own opinions (which are very important to them). I’ve seen lots of people talk themselves out of a relationship, though I’ve never seen one listen their way out of one. When a person you’re interested in asks a question, answer and follow up with something like: “What about you?” Then stop talking and – this is the hard part – actually listen to their answer with genuine interest. If you really do listen, your questions will flow naturally. If you do find that your mind wandered a bit while they were speaking, then you can always come back with the three little words every interested mate yearns to hear: “tell me more.”
Works every time.