(Pee in Your Pool is an annoying business term and is just one of the 212 Most Annoying Business Phrases Managers Effuse, Confuse, and Overuse detailed in the hilarious must-have guide for every workplace: The 30,000-Pound Gorilla in the Room. Available right now on Amazon.)

Pee in Your Pool

The distasteful visual pee in your pool conjures up should be reason enough to ban it from your annoying arsenal of workplace phrases.

Oh, you don’t use this one? Then you must not be a business consultant. Most often used by outside consultants to mollify in advance the hurt feelings of managers whose departments they’re evaluating, pee in your pool describes what could happen if the consultant wasn’t such a good guy.

It’s likely a requirement – perhaps something they teach in consultants’ school – for every business consultant to explain within the first few minutes of meeting the managers – the very ones they’re going to eviscerate in their final report – to utter, “Don’t worry, I’m not here to pee in your pool.”

To be sure, when a consultant tells you he’s not here to pee in your pool, he’s telling the truth.

He’s not here to pee in it. He’s here to drain it, take a giant crap in it, and then fill it with concrete.

“I’m not here to pee in your pool” is just one in a long list of life’s known lies like “the check’s in the mail” and “I’ll still love you in the morning.”

When you hear it, expect the worst… and stay out of the pool.

Replacement phrases: Be disruptive; Cause a disruption

See also: Baby is Ugly

…

The 30,000-Pound Gorilla in the Room is available on Amazon