(There’s a First Time for Everything is an annoying business term and is just one of the 212 Most Annoying Business Phrases Managers Effuse, Confuse, and Overuse detailed in the hilarious must-have guide for every workplace: The 30,000-Pound Gorilla in the Room. Available right now on Amazon.)

There’s a First Time for Everything

No shit? There’s a first time for everything? Well thank you Captain Obvious!

Can we all just agree right now there’s a first time for everything? And, since we all agree, would it be possible for the annoying fools in your office to drop this one from their vocabulary?

That’s unlikely.

Just because there’s a first time for everything doesn’t mean you’re a genius for pointing this out… multiple times a week… in the most annoying manner possible.

This phrase is annoying because of how and why it’s used. It’s never used to share knowledge – it’s almost always said sarcastically. It’s never uttered as a compliment – it’s nearly always used to diminish an accomplishment.

Byerly just made salesperson of the month? Well, there’s a first time for everything.

Kraig showed up on time today? Well, there’s a first time for everything.

Shelby passed his certification? Well, there’s a first time for everything.

You know what we and the rest of your coworkers want to experience as a first? We’d love for you to go a whole day without uttering your annoying, snarky clichés and other dried-up jargon.

We’d love to experience eight business hours without cringing or having our ears bleed.

We know there’s a first time for everything… we’re just waiting for the first time we can be at work for an entire day without hearing an annoying phrase fall from your lips.

Replacement phrases: No replacement needed; just stop being an ass.

See also: Easier Said Than Done; Are Two Different Things; It Is What It Is

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The 30,000-Pound Gorilla in the Room is available on Amazon